This process is a M*@!# F&)!*@!!!!!!!

Who knew that making a baby would be this emotional?!

Actually we did.

Something that we often tell each other is that there is always a difference between theory and reality. While we can discuss, strategize and layout the logistics of this plan, the actual execution and associated feelings cannot be predicted or premeditated. At the end of the day you can't plan or be ready to cry, get excited, be anxious or apprehensive cause it's raw emotion. You hear me? F*@!king emotion!

From the time that we decided to have another baby we have gone through a myriad of emotions and spent a whole lotta Got Dern money! It seems that the closer we get to expanding our family the more anxious we have become. 

S (who will be carrying the baby) is a woman who lives by logic and structure with a dash of emotion and dry humor thrown in for good measure. But now the pendulum has swung to the other side of the spectrum and her cup runneth over with tears, apprehension, fear and overall mush.  All types of thoughts are racing through our minds. S's newest fear is about being a failure after using all of this reproductive technology and still not being able to actually get pregnant.

We don't have any gay friends who have gone through this process who can share their stories with us. This is a new frontier for me, S and our daughter E. We feel special to be part of this Renaissances of the professional, black lesbian led family.  In addition to not having any role models, as trailblazers we feel a bit lonely in this process. The irony is that internet has become our close friend as we look at other blogs and YouTube videos of other lesbian couples who have gone through or are going through the same process. We do have both gay and lesbian friends who are considering having babies but have yet to take the plunge.What we have determined through all of our reading and video watching is that this process, while rewarding in the end, is emotionally taxing and draining.

Damn, the last part of this entry sounds a bit sad and at times this process is. BUT in the end this is part of what WE want in our life so we take the vinegar with the sweet tea because it's all worth it.