Monday, April 16, 2012

The ball is rolling

I know that I am writing this late but after studying boring complex DC circuits I wanted to have something fun to talk about. So we have a bit to catch up on since my last post. My wife did her HSG and the results came back great. She is healthy and as the doctor said, the pathways are clear so we are ready  to make a baby. After we did all of the tests we had to meet with our doctor to discuss our plans of action.

Our doctor recommended that we not go the IVF route right now since my wife is healthy and young. After a couple of conversations she decided to go with the IUI procedure first and if, for whatever reason, we are not able to conceive through IUI we will go the IVF route. Right after we met with the doctor we spoke with the nurse who handles the sperm situation of the deal. This was interesting.

We originally wanted to have two of our friends be the sperm donors since they wanted children well. It would be an even "swap" of sperm and eggs. But as it turns out they are waiting to have their children while we have been ready since yesterday. So then we started the process of looking for sperm on the Internet.

For those of you that have not looked for sperm on the Internet may I say that this is an experience that you will never forget. You spend hours scanning the profiles, looking at words on the page trying to match your ideal with what is given to you. We had a specific type of donor in mind but as it turns out they are very few and very far between. Not taking the discourage to heart we pressed on and allowed ourselves to be open and seek out donors from all types of backgrounds...but we did have certain criteria.

Must be intelligent, must have no serious health issues, must be at least 5'10" (if we have a boy we didn't want him to be short), must have an open status for when our child decided to meet with this person later in life and overall must have a good vibe from the computer screen alone. Little did we know that this process would be such a tedious one. As it turns out looking for sperm has become quite daunting and tedious. It almost makes you stop and think about people who have children and don't think about these criteria (schooling, family background, etc)

Well we finally found sperm that we liked and couldn't wait to get it. Turns out that this guy's sperm is in high demand and the vials are running low. The nurse that we spoke to said that we needed at least 4-6 vials of sperm and as we are in the process of ordering to make sure that the donor had about 15 vials on hand at the sperm bank. Hmmm... This presents quite a situation because the donor that we like has only 9 vials of sperm left. What do we do.

We made sure that we had a couple of other options waiting in the wings but we are still holding out for the ultimate guy. So I guess after reading up to this point you must be asking So did you order the sperm? Not yet. My wife decided that she should take a genetic test to determine if there were any serious illness that she could be a carrier for and thereby would be an issue if our guy was also a carrier for. Though we doubt that she carries anything that would be a concern we didn't want to have to get to the point where we bought the sperm and suddenly there would be an issue. Sperm isn't cheap people! On so many levels.

So what's the next step? Well now we are in limbo because we have to wait for the genetic test results. Once the results come in we can then (depending on the results) order the sperm. And since my wife's period is here as of today we have to get this ball rolling within a week or so.

But K, how does all of this make you feel? I'm glad you asked. honestly I had no idea what goes into this entire process and what all of this means. When I had my daughter it was by natural means and totally unexpected so there was no planning involved. All of these tests and questions feels so invasive and downright frustrating. I understand that the process is to make sure that we are fit parents and will not do any harm to the child but the fact of the matter is that no matter what tests you take there is no way to tell if you will be cut out to be a good parent.

Honestly I had my daughter when I was 20 and I had no idea what in the world to do. All I knew was that I would try and do that best that I could given whatever circumstances came my way. I like to think that I am and have done a great job in raising my daughter. She is a well-rounded, respectful young lady who is not only intelligent but also artistic. She amazes me with her confidence and strength which I did not posses at her age.

I must say that being a parent is the most confusing and yet rewarding experience that I think anyone can have. I look forward to the challenges that lie ahead of us and in the mean time I guess we'll just have to wait and see what lies ahead.