Saturday, June 30, 2012


You can call this the update of the This process is a M@th$r F*%&#r  post.

Last time we spoke about the process, S was taking the Gonal-F pen to help her follicles (eggs) mature and get to a certain size in order to inseminate. Well S has now been to the office practically everyday since that last post for the nurses to monitor the growth of her eggs and simply keep us on pins and needles. May I also remind you that each time S goes to the doctor's office we are charged and as many of you may very well know, this is not covered by insurance so....yeah. Money, money, money.

Last weekend we noticed that only one follicle was growing an estimated 2 millimeters every two days. We decided to talk to a nurse to have a better understanding of what is going on and what the overall plan is since we haven't been given any information. Essentially every time S goes to get tests or be inseminated she's run through the baby making conveyer belt and no one seems to sit down and explain what is going on until she has to ask for clarification.

When we met with the nurse we wanted to know why S's follicles were not growing faster and why the dosage for the Gonal-F pen was so low considering we saw other couples who were getting higher dosages. The nurse informed us that the dosage was low as a precaution because S had so many follicles and if the dosage was higher than a large number of follicles would mature at the same time which is not good. Hmmm.....interesting because what she was telling us sounded like something called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. S was told before that she has PCOS but this was not confirmed by the any of the nurses or the doctor after the battery of tests that she was given when we first started the process. I could go into what Polycystic Ovary Syndrome is but I'm sure I would be missing some vital information. If you Google it there are a ton of sites that have detailed information about it.

So S tells the nurse, "Maybe I have so many follicles because I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome." Guess what the nurse said. "That's a possibility." REALLY! Maybe that would be some vital information for us to know since this is essentially an infertility issue. Luckily we already knew about this but had we not known anything we would have remained in the dark the entire time. And may I remind you, spending more money. We came to the conclusion that the doctor must have noticed that S had PCOS but failed to communicate this information to us. Otherwise why would she be given such a small dose of medication and why would she have to have her follicles monitored nearly everyday. Obviously this made us very upset so we decided to talk with the doctor. That was a disappointing conversation.

First off the doctor didn't have his facts straight and kept referring to me as S's husband. Wrong! Secondly he was distant and aloof on the phone. Once S expressed that she had some concerns about going ahead with the IUI process since she had PCOS the doctor said, "that's why I recommend doing IVF rather than IUI." REALLY! Cause guess what folks, he didn't recommend that to us. In fact at our very first visit S told the doctor that we wanted to go ahead and do IVF but the doctor suggested (actually insisted) that we do IUI. In his very words, "Why do the big guns when we can go this route first." So we went ahead and did what he suggested. I mean he's the doctor and has been doing this for years with such success that we figured we could take his advice. Needless to say S and I had a talk and have made the decision to do IVF if this second round of IUI doesn't work.

While we have the second round of IUI to look forward to we felt so frustrated and overlooked by the lack of communication and poor bedside manner of the doctor. Have you ever heard the saying, Want to know how to make God laugh? Make a plan. We we are learning that first hand. This is certainly teaching us about patience and holding on to faith. If we can get through this we can certainly get through anything.

But do you see what I'm talking about? This process is a M@*%er  F#$+&r for real!

Friday, June 22, 2012

Lawyer says what?

We got such great news today and it comes on the heels of a conversation S and I had this morning so this is proof that the power of intention is working for us.

Our family lawyer called today (actually her assistant did) to tell us that we have a court date for the hearing of our adoption case. Since we have just started blogging let me catch you up on this situation.

E did not come into this world by immaculate conception. Although the relationship was not what I expected or hoped for I was given the most wonderful gift of being a mother to my best friend and most cherished gift, E. As I wandered through the confusing and mystifying jungle of dating I made it a point to not bring E into that world. However things don't always go as planned as I have come to know and accept. For the first time ever E was a part of my dating experience with S and while it was helpful at certain times it was extremely difficult and often down right frustrating. 

Do you know how hard it is to try and have fun at Animal Kingdom while your little one is giving your girlfriend the evil eye the entire time? Yeah, let's just say that it wasn't fun and it sucks to be in the middle. I'm glad that stage is over!

 So when it got to a point where S and E were not only getting along but understanding one another on a deeper level it made me breathe a sigh of relief. Of course with both of my girls being stubborn it took them some time to admit that THEY were more alike than different.

I knew that S's family would like E, but I had no idea that they would fall head over heels for her. I mean she is the kind of kid that if you don't like kids, you'll love E. She's so calm, cool and collected. It may seem like I'm bragging but once you meet E, you'll know what I'm talking about. I mean if she wasn't my daughter she would be the kind of kid that I would look at and say I wish I had a daughter like that... (seriously).

Once S and I knew that we were in it for the long haul she decided that she wanted to adopt E because she felt like E was not only a part of her family but a part of her as well. Emotionally we were already a family, it was import for her to put the legal protections in place.  S found a great lawyer who has worked with other same sex couples who have adopted children in the state of Florida. And as you may or may not know Florida is such a red state that if you are a same sex couple you have NO rights.So to know that there are not only lawyers but also judges who believe and support our rights to be a family in the legal sense (at least the adoption aspect) was such a wonderful surprise.

Before our wedding and expanding our family we wanted to make this adoption official. However time (and some other more pressing circumstances)  prolonged the process more than we hoped, so we had to put some of the logistical aspects on hold. Once we had our wedding, everything was in line to resume the adoption process. Unfortunately we were playing phone tag with the lawyer for quite a bit with no real answers to our questions of when we would be getting a court date for this process to be finished.

Oh I forgot to mention something. An important part of the pre-work for the adoption was doing a home visit with a social worker to make sure that S is sane and I wasn't bonkers. We found a social worker who has worked with same sex couples before, and "got it" as to why it was so important for S to legally become E's mom. First S and I met with her in her office and then she came to our house to see how we lived and spoke with E to make sure we lived up to all of the wonderful things that we said. In addition to the social worker we needed to have letters from reputable sources saying that S was a wonderful parent and (again) that I wasn't crazy. We got great letters from my mom and E's teachers from fourth and fifth grade.

So now down to the news I wanted to tell you. This morning as E and I were getting ready for a shopping spree I got a call from our lawyer's assistant. She gave us an official court date for the adoption proceedings which will be coming up in the next two weeks. I was so excited when I got the news that I sent S a text as I  was on the phone with the lawyer's assistant to have her call me. The only thing that we have to do is confirm the date and the time (which we did) and we will get all of the paperwork in the mail telling us what will happen now.

So now that you are all caught up and you know the story you'll understand why we are so excited. Of course I plan to take pictures and we will keep you posted on all the great news.


Thursday, June 21, 2012

This process is a M*@!# F&)!*@!!!!!!!

Who knew that making a baby would be this emotional?!

Actually we did.

Something that we often tell each other is that there is always a difference between theory and reality. While we can discuss, strategize and layout the logistics of this plan, the actual execution and associated feelings cannot be predicted or premeditated. At the end of the day you can't plan or be ready to cry, get excited, be anxious or apprehensive cause it's raw emotion. You hear me? F*@!king emotion!

From the time that we decided to have another baby we have gone through a myriad of emotions and spent a whole lotta Got Dern money! It seems that the closer we get to expanding our family the more anxious we have become. 

S (who will be carrying the baby) is a woman who lives by logic and structure with a dash of emotion and dry humor thrown in for good measure. But now the pendulum has swung to the other side of the spectrum and her cup runneth over with tears, apprehension, fear and overall mush.  All types of thoughts are racing through our minds. S's newest fear is about being a failure after using all of this reproductive technology and still not being able to actually get pregnant.

We don't have any gay friends who have gone through this process who can share their stories with us. This is a new frontier for me, S and our daughter E. We feel special to be part of this Renaissances of the professional, black lesbian led family.  In addition to not having any role models, as trailblazers we feel a bit lonely in this process. The irony is that internet has become our close friend as we look at other blogs and YouTube videos of other lesbian couples who have gone through or are going through the same process. We do have both gay and lesbian friends who are considering having babies but have yet to take the plunge.What we have determined through all of our reading and video watching is that this process, while rewarding in the end, is emotionally taxing and draining.

Damn, the last part of this entry sounds a bit sad and at times this process is. BUT in the end this is part of what WE want in our life so we take the vinegar with the sweet tea because it's all worth it.

Follicle or Egg?

We came back from our ultrasound appointment this morning and S's follicles are about 10 millimeters in diameter but we need them to be 20 millimeters. She also got her blood drawn to check her estrogen levels which we will get the results some time later today. The nurse advised her to continue taking the shots and check back with them in another couple of days to see if her follicles have grown to a mature size. If they have then we start the second IUI treatment which is what we are looking forward to. I'm assuming that we will be going back in a couple of days anyway since she should be ovulating around that time. But as always we will keep you posted on what's going on. Other than that there isn't much else to report in the baby making process. Keep your fingers crossed! :)

Sunday, June 17, 2012

IUI #1

Hey guys! Sorry that I have not been posting as often as I would like. My school schedule is insane for the summer so it gives me very little time to blog.Anyway...

At the end of May we started our first IUI cycle. As I stated in the last blog everything was a go and S's doctor gave her a glowing report for the baby making process.We tracked her ovulation with a ClearBlue easy Ovulation test and were excited to see a smiley face letting us know that S was ovulating and we were in full swing to get the process underway.

The very next morning (Tuesday, May 29) S went to the doctor and got her first "shot" of the spermies. The nurse told her that she should do the ovulation test again that night and if the smiley face came up again that she should come in the next day and get another shot. Which is exactly what she did. So on May 30 she got her next shot and we started the arduous two week waiting period.

We tried not to think about it or get our hopes up but we stalked the calendar to see when we would be able to take a pregnancy test. In the mean time S was beginning to feel a difference in her body. Two to three days after the second insemination she began feeling extremely tired, much more than normal. In addition to the sleepiness she felt bloated, her breasts were tender and she had some cramping.

We looked up other lesbian couples on YouTube who were able to share their experiences and discovered that some of the women had some of the same symptoms as S and discovered that they had gotten pregnant. Needless to say we knew it would be a stretch to get pregnant on the first try but we still held out hope.

S's period comes like clockwork every 28 days and was scheduled to come on the 16th of this month (June) but we were both surprised when she started spotting on the 10th. We heard that spotting can happen and doesn't necessarily mean that you aren't pregnant so we still held on to some hope. But when her period officially came two days later on the 12th our hopes were dashed. She took a pregnancy test anyway and found only a single line rather than a double line.We'd be lying if we said we weren't disappointed but felt confident that as long as we are vigilant we would be pregnant before the summer is over.

After her test S went back to the doctor for them to run some more tests. They checked her hcg levels and did an ultrasound. The nurse said that she saw a lot of anti-follicles which was a good sign. To help give  mother nature (and science) a little boost they gave S a prescription for self-injecting Gonal-f RFF pen. For five days she would have to be injected with this medicine which is supposed to help the eggs (actually follicles) mature faster and bulk them up a little bit. She has to then take a test to see if the follicles have matured based on their size and if they have she will get a human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) shot to help release the follicles (eggs). This shot has the ability to release more eggs which can increase our chances of getting pregnant and also having multiples. *You may or may not know that a woman releases only one egg for each cycle to be fertilized.

Today we are on day three of the Gonal-f RFF pen and on Tuesday she goes back to the doctors office to check her follicles. If all goes well she will get the hCG shot and we will inseminate on Thursday and Friday. As soon as we have some more information we will keep you all posted. Wish us luck!